I enjoyed Babycenter.com during my first pregnancy. I really liked their emails informing me of what and what not to do during my pregnancy, also receiving their updates on the growth and development of the baby. I loved being part of a community of other ‘first-time’ moms as well. I felt like we were all scared to death and trying to lend blind advice to avoid panic attacks. It was comforting and exciting.
The second time around, I still love to get the ‘your baby is the size of a Kumquat’ emails. (Pause. What the hell is a Kumquat, by the way, and why are you insulting my baby like that? Carry on.)
However, many of the other notifications they send me I literally want to reply in all caps: THE GIG IS UP, CUT THE CRAP! For example, I received an email recently titled: Welcome to Your Second Trimester! I thought this was sweet, but when I opened the email I burst into laughter. Following the nice welcome note, the email continued: This is the time when most women feel their best. Liars!
Who are ‘most’ women? The chicks who work at Babycenter.com? And by best, do you mean as compared to the rest of the pregnancy? I guess not having my head in a toilet is now an advantage, however peeing myself and slowly feeling my pelvic bone spread is not what I would consider ‘feeling my best’. Just tell me like it is ladies. Here is an example of an email I would like to get:
Welcome to Your Second Trimester!
While you may start to feel relief from the nausea, remember you are still pregnant. Just seven more months of feeling like you have no control of your body. Yay! Things to expect over the next few months: You will start to waddle as your uterus is causing a wedge in between your pelvis. Your boobs will get extremely large, and yellow stuff will start to leak out. Your nipples will always feel like they can cut through glass. Last but not least, since your organs are all pushed together you will pee yourself on occasion. Avoid sneezing. We know this sounds awful, but it will ALL be worth it when you see your little bundle of joy.
Speakers of Truth
The second part of the email they sent me read: ‘Most’ women also (here we go with the ‘most’ comparison again) experience a spike in their libido. Okay, okay. Calm down there Babycenter. The only thing I am experiencing is in my dreams, and when I wake up I realize my body can not keep up with my mind. Sex is not anywhere near sexy when your pregnant. It is uncomfortable and awkward. If there are women out there who say differently, then they are in a class all their own.
Just keepin’ it real. Feel free to do the same Babycenter.