Self-care is such a popular subject these days, as it should be – especially for moms and women in general. When women are asked to name their top three priorities, they never include themselves. Are we really surprised? Can’t say that I am. We tend to give and give until nothing is left in our cup rather than filling our cups up first so it can then overflow on to everyone else.
For the past decade personal growth has been on my radar. I wanted to find balance, train my brain to focus on the positives versus the negatives, gain more patience and just overall perspective. As we get older we start to realize some of our behaviors from childhood should not remain in our adulthood. We realize it takes work, like really HARD work, to maintain relationships and marriages. We are blindsided by what it takes to survive motherhood. The stresses of work, family, maintaining health and the day to day responsibilities can really take a bite out of your happiness if you let it.
It’s mentally draining when your reality is not living up to your expectations of what you thought your life would look like. And, that’s okay because in the grand scheme I believe life has already been planned out anyway. When I started appreciating this rigged destiny, I learned lessons from the hardships and chose to be grateful to grow– the perspective, patience, happiness, and balance eventually
Did I figure this out on my own? No. Did I have a lot of help getting to a place of content? Yes. Am I still learning and growing every day? Absolutely.
In my early
Those toxic behaviors include being a people pleaser at the expense of my own happiness, competing with myself on a daily basis, caring what other’s thought about me, and trying to save the world. When I realized I am just one person with only 24 hours in my day and that other people’s opinions of me are none of my business – my life changed.
If you’re reading this and it’s speaking to you – I’m glad you’re here. There’s nothing worse than carrying around these burdens and feeling hopeless. I also have some advice for you, but first, I’ll remind you I am not a doctor – just someone who had help, learned a few things, and now I want to pay it forward.
First off, I’ll say, even if you think therapy is for the weak or doesn’t work or not worth it, you’re wrong. It’s refreshing to speak to someone with an outside perspective and knowledge of how the brain and behaviors work. It’s also great to get advice, or get on medications (if needed) that can help you. There’s no shame in getting help and having support to work through issues.
Another practice I put into play is meditation. I wake up 30-45 minutes before my kids every morning to have silent me time. I am not rushed, I can take some deep breaths, stretch, and get ready for the day without the drama of a toddler. I don’t look at my phone until after I wake up my kids, get them ready and out the door. If I look at it before then – I’ll see the tons of unread emails and it immediately makes me anxious about the workday ahead. My priorities in the morning are me, the kids, then….work.
Before bed, I read 10 pages of a book. Nine out of 10 times they are usually self-help or an inspiring story of some sort. This keeps me from looking at my phone and allows my body to fall into relaxation mode. I go to sleep on a positive note. Do not, I repeat, do not watch the news or scroll through social media right before bed. You don’t need sensationalized messages and doomsday scenarios entering your brain right before you want to shut it off for the night.
My favorite books I’ve read over the past decade that have made a lasting impression on me:
The 5 Second Rule, Mel Robbins. Gives you exercises to help you gain control of your thoughts and actions. I’ve also seen her speak and talk about inspiring! I recommend you follow her on social too!
The Miracle Morning, Hal Elrod An inspiring story of a young man who overcame so many obstacles and
Girl, Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis. Rachel is my spirit animal. I think I might have a serious girl crush on her. I connect to her story on so many levels and I think many of you will, too. If you need that smack to get out of your head and realize you’re much stronger than you think you are – this is your girl. It’s time to be your own hero.
The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy. I can’t say enough good things about this book. He is a success coach to many celebrities, CEO’s you name it. His in your face advice will help anyone looking for personal growth in any facet of their life. His main message is how little daily actions turn into big achievements and why it’s important to stay consistent and go the extra mile when necessary.
Unf*ck Yourself, Gary Bishop A raw in your face approach to help yourself get out of your head.
The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A F**k, Sarah Knight. I bought this more for a fun read on a flight home and to my surprise gave me some serious come-to-Jesus moments. It’s all about not feeling guilty for your decisions and saying no when you want to. It gives you a good laugh and some life-changing advice! Who knew?!
The last thing I did to elevate my well-being was to get healthy! I learned the hard way how important eating healthy, working out and taking care of your body is after I developed thyroid disease. This disease rocked me and took years to gain control of. It’s amazing how much a healthy lifestyle leads to overall happiness.
Now, if you’re a mom and you just want a laugh and to know you’re not alone in the parenting fails then check out one of my books. Sometimes laughter is all you need.